Random physical pain associated with the aging is completely lost on young people. With their resilient muscles and limitless cardiovascular abilities, it’s no wonder when you try to tell a youngster (anyone under 30) that you wake up with aches and pains simply from sleeping, it causes the same reaction as if you’ve just sprouted a horn from your forehead. I have never had to confront my age as frequently or as brutally as I’ve had to since I started training for this stupid race.
The pitfalls of working out at this age (Just guess, okay? My TV had a dial not a remote, we had “the” phone and it was in the kitchen sporting a really long cord, I had several pairs of legwarmers, I loved Laverne & Shirley) is that injuries blindside you. There you are, diligently trying to get in shape, doing the same workouts you’ve done before and suddenly, your ankle hurts. Your hip feels like it has inexplicably come out of its socket. Your knee swells up. And, out of nowhere, tendons start screaming that they’re sore and need to sit in the Jacuzzi.
It’s a bitch getting old.
Which brings me to the point of this post.
INJURY REPORT!
Shin splints (both shins)
Akin to someone driving wooden splints into muscle tissue, this is searing, unending pain in my shins begins to scream during the first mile of a run and doesn’t shut up until I’m done.
The Right Achilles Tendon
I believe we still use it as a metaphor for a fatal weakness. “Red Velvet cupcakes are her Achilles’ heel of desserts.” Well, mine is the sort of hell that started from playing tennis. Unendingly sore and often stiff. Like rigor mortis is setting in.
The Left Ankle.
Ugly but important. The ankle’s job is to keep me upright and stable enough to walk. When I’m walking, it holds 1.5 times my body weight. When I’m running, it’s designed to hold eight times my body weight. Eight times! Its mutiny is justified.
The Right Hip
My friend, Karin is convinced that once you break a hip, you’re a goner. Looking at people who have broken hips, it does seem like it’s the first step toward the dirt nap. I’m pretty sure my hip muscles are separating from the bone every time I run over three miles. Say a prayer.
Knees
A tiny piece of cartilage called the meniscus likes to come out and announce it’s torn presence with authority. So, at the end of every run, my meniscus are the size of apricots sticking out of my knee. Welcome to the knee brace. Next, crutches!
So, to sum up, Age is wiping its nasty feet on my dreams. At this rate, if you whisper “CrossFit” in my general direction my hamstring will spasm.
All this working out at the gym has led me to spot a trend. It seems we’re all working out so much harder these days. Women and men are taking cardio kickboxing and barre method classes, torturing themselves on Pilates machines and taking excruciating TRX classes often all in ONE DAY. CrossFit training is the hot workout of the moment so I took a complimentary class. That shit is HARD. It rendered me disabled for 72 hours where my activity consisted of hobbling to the bathroom for more Advil.
I remember when a bike ride on a beach cruiser followed by some half-hearted sit-ups was considered a fair workout. Now, it seems like if you’re not vomiting in your mouth a little during your workout, you’re not “feeling the burn.”
To this I say, pppfffffffft.
I think being in shape feels truly great and we should all strive to get daily exercise. But some people just take it too far. Perhaps they feel that this is the last thing they can totally control in this day and age. And to some extent they’re right. But honestly, all I can think when I look at some dude who is in stupid good, magazine cover shape is, “Don’t you have any hobbies?” Pick up a guitar. Learn Russian. Have a drink (not a Miller 64) and talk to people. There is more to developing yourself than shirt-stretching muscle mass or flat abs.
But then the reality hits me. I have to be one of those people. At least in the short term. So, injuries withstanding, I shall carry on. Do what you say, say what you do.
It’s a powerful thing that I try to follow.
Onward.